“Hello? Mom, quick! Answer these questions!”
The text comes through with a photo of an intake form from a new doctor’s office.
The questions seem simple enough:
- Do you have any allergies?
- Have you ever had major surgery?
- Are you currently taking any medications?
You pause for a moment and ask yourself: How does my 18-year-old not know these answers about their own life?
Is it because they’ve become so accustomed to you handling these details that they simply don’t pay attention? Is it complacency? Or are they genuinely stumped when put on the spot with information they rarely think about? Maybe it’s the stress of being asked important questions in an unfamiliar situation.
Whatever the reason, these moments invite us into one of the most challenging parts of parenting: learning how to let our children splash around in the metaphorical deep end of adulthood.
The transition often happens gradually. We prepare for milestones like graduation, moving away for school, getting a first apartment, or starting a job. Yet somehow, despite all the planning, adulthood often arrives with a moment that catches everyone by surprise.
One example was an excruciating ear infection that my 18-year-old experienced while away from home.
He later told me the pain rivaled a medical situation he had experienced years earlier that required emergency surgery. There I was, hundreds of miles away, doing the only thing I could do—helping him locate the nearest urgent care clinic and waiting anxiously by my phone.
The texts came one after another:
“Mom, this is excruciating.”
“I don’t think I can handle this.”
“The pain is so bad.”
And all I could offer was:
“Deep belly breaths, honey. You’re almost at the doctor.”
It’s one of those parenting moments when the illusion of control disappears. No matter how much we want to protect them, fix it for them, or carry them through it, we can’t.
What remains is faith. Faith that they can navigate the situation. Faith that they’ve learned enough from how you’ve raised them. Faith that they are becoming capable adults.
The Humbling Magic of This Phase
This season of parenting is both humbling and magical.
Then again, many parenting seasons seem to hold opposing emotions at the same time. Pride and worry. Excitement and grief. Confidence and uncertainty.
As parents, we are often experiencing our own transition alongside our children’s. While they are learning how to become adults, we are learning how to become parents of adults. Neither role comes with a handbook.
It’s important to acknowledge that this phase can be challenging for everyone involved. Your young adult may feel overwhelmed by responsibilities they’ve never managed before, while you may be wrestling with the urge to step in and take over. Both experiences are normal.
Preparing for the Unexpected
One of the greatest gifts we can give our young adults is preparation before the unexpected happens. Consider having calm conversations about situations they may encounter and create a simple “emergency checklist” together. This might include:
- Ensuring you’re listed on any necessary HIPAA authorization forms if they want you involved in medical situations.
- Making sure they have important phone numbers saved and accessible.
- Keeping a copy of their insurance card on their phone and in their wallet.
- Teaching them how to advocate for themselves with doctors, professors, employers, and landlords.
- Discussing who they would call first if they needed help.
- Reviewing basic information they should know about their own health history.
These conversations are often most effective when everything is calm, not in the middle of a crisis. And when they do navigate a challenge on their own, don’t forget to acknowledge it. Praise them. Celebrate their resilience. Help them recognize their own capability.
Trusting What You’ve Taught Them
The more preparation we provide, the more confidence we can have when it’s time to step back. Ultimately, there comes a point when parenting requires us to surrender control and trust the foundation we’ve spent years building.
Some young adults seem to transition seamlessly into independence. They appear to have a good head on their shoulders and confidently navigate life’s challenges. Others take a more winding path. And that’s okay too. If there are lessons they still need to learn, life has a remarkable way of presenting those opportunities.
Our role doesn’t disappear—it evolves. We move from manager to mentor. From problem-solver to guide. From protector to trusted sounding board. We are still there, but in a different way.
Having Faith
Perhaps this stage of parenting is best captured by the mother in The Three Little Pigs. At some point, she sends her children out into the world because she believes they are ready. What’s interesting is that when challenges arise (such as the wolf, or an ear infection), the pigs don’t run back to their mother. Instead, they turn to one another, relying on the skills they’ve learned and the relationships they’ve built.
Maybe that’s the goal. Not that our children never need us again. But that we’ve given them enough confidence, wisdom, and resilience to face life’s challenges, even when we’re not standing beside them. And when those inevitable texts arrive asking questions they probably should know the answers to, we can smile, answer the question, and quietly remind ourselves:
This is exactly what learning to swim in the deep end of adulthood looks like. For them. And for us. 🌿
We are co-founders & authors of Just Be The Journey, sharing our wisdom of the heart. Storyhealing(TM) is one of the many tools we’ve created to cultivate a community of like-minded individuals going through similar experiences, seeking connection, healing, and growth. Find more authentically created products by searching Adrienne Gervais & Liz Kametz on Amazon.
